the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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