idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
