We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
