I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's the barista slut.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
