i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
