WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
