ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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