...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
