I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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