Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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