And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
