Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
