I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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