Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
