I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
