you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
