this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
