I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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