i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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