im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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