i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
