Just fell off a train. Bad.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it because I queefed?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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