He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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