im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
