Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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