Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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