someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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