I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
