No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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