Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
