Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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