Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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