but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
