Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
