remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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