If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want her autograph on my taint
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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