I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize