Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
