We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
PANTIES FOUND
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