the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
