Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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