So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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