If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Found your dick twin last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
