i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
