let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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