Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
a search helicopter?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
