Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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