I need help removing her.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
