Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
