Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
