3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
