Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
