Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
