so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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