You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
