I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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