Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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