just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
