Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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